It's strange how thoughts pop into your head years after the fact, and how they seem to linger there. I have been stitching off and on for over 25 years. Toward the end of my marriage (over 10 years ago), my exDH made lots of negative comments regarding my stitching. So much so that I stopped stitching for over 5 years. When I started up again, it was with much gusto and the online stitching community opened up a whole new world to me.My question to you all:
How would you feel or react if your DH or significant other expressed that your hobby/stitching was a "waste of time" or that they "didn't see the purpose in it"?
81 comments:
I would feel very hurt just like I did when my hubby says my cross stitch is a waste of money
Huggss Donna
I honestly dunno, Meari, but I think I'd try not to listen to him.
I started stitching by the same year I got married, 11 years ago. At 1st he was a bit upset because I was kinda obsessed and started spending more time with my new hobby than with him. LOL. But then we got a deal and I learnt how to share my time in a way everybody was happy. He was always very supportive.
Now, I'm involved with some other person and he also thinks its a nice thing to do. He says he admires my needlework and have only nice words about it.
I think whats in the past shall be in the past. Dont waste your time thinking about it: grab your needle and fabric and do what gives you pleasure. That's really all that matters.
Hugs from sunny Brazil!
Hmmm...I'm trying to imagine that, but I can't imagine that with my husband. He is supportive with my hobbies, be it with sometimes a smile or a grin (when I go a bit overboard in collecting things) - as I am supportive when it comes to his hobbies.
I think that whatever one's hobby is, the partner should accept that. The partner doesn't need to see the purpose in my hobby, as I might not see the purpose in his hobby.
I think if a partner would tell me what I'm doing is a waste of time it would be quite hurtful to me and would feel also disrespectful. I'm pretty sure I would try to ignore it first, and otherwise tell him off. I don't think I would stop stitching though.
Well, I've had people other than my husband say such things to me and it used to bother me when I was young and insecure. Since those days, though, I've become a very secure and self-confident person and now I just ignore them and laugh at them. They just don't have a clue, do they? I think I would have to say to them, "You don't know what you're missing!" LOL
If my DH was to say someting negative about my crafts, I would be devistated beyond belief. Part of loving someone is accepting them for who they are and what they like. My hubby does not mind my hobbies and I have come to enjoy some of his interests as well like College Football, NFL, motor racing and baseball. I attend a few events with him each year and he supports my hobbies. As a matter of fact I am going on a basket weaving retreat in October with is full support. It would not be a happy household if we did not have mutual respect for each others interests. Look, you know I am making an effort when I will attend a Dallas Cowboys game with the man.LOL. Good question.
Interesting question! Well, to be honest, I don't/didn't give a damn. One of my SO did like it, and the other one couldn't care less. I only saw him on weekends, so I stitched during the week and spend the weekend with him without stitching. My current boyfriend doesn't see a purpose in it but doesn't mind my sititching. Of course I wouldn't let him stop me stitching. He likes to play the Playstation which for me is a complete waste of time. But he likes it and I let him and I don't talk bad about it either. So I say "Live and let live".
Have a great stitchy weekend!
I would tell him that it's no more a waste of time than watching and yelling at sports. I watch sports too but I don't get so wrapped up in it I start yelling at the players and refs! :)
It would bother me. Hate to hear that your ex acted that way. Fortunately my DH loves my stitching.
I would not be a happy camper!!! My DH knows how relaxing it is to me & he supports me 110%...thank goodness!!!
I was having a conversation with my DH the other night about this. I asked him if my stitching meant anything to him... He said that it did. He has made many of the frames for my finished projects. So, I guess I felt reassured that he thought my hobby had merit, for lack of a better word.
I can see easily where we can be influenced by opinions of those closest to us. But I think we need to follow our hearts and do what we love.
Meari, what I would do now and what I would have done when I was at another stage in my life are different. Today, it would likely ring off huge alarm bells to me. Doing cross stitch and other needle arts is part of who I am. It gives me an outlet for creativity and a means of de-stressing.
Like you, my former DH did complain about it. And the more that time distances me from that experience, the more I see that it was not about my stitching at all but about control over me. That is why I say that alarm bells would go off now.
I am very lucky with my present DH. He loves that I am so crafty and brags me up all the time. He is always interested in what I am working on. The one time that he went to a LNS with me, he was fascinated by it all and pointed out a model that he thought looked like something I would choose. He was right - and I would have missed seeing it otherwise. That is what I call supportive.
You are such a gem. Nobody should ever give YOU a hard time about anything IMHO.
That's an easy question to answer. In 1999, my husband called my needlework into question and I promptly threw him out of the house and told him not to come back. After three days he called me and abjectly apologized. He'll never think it's a "useful" hobby, but he understand that I need it for my sanity, just as he used to spend hours in his darkroom printing black and white images.
At my age??? I'd have his stuff packed and ready to go, and a map on the top of the suitcase!
Ouch - besides kick him?? My DH is not into too much needlework, except for a few, but he doesn't belittle it. He knows that I love it. I can see where you might feel "why bother?" But you're right, the internet opens up a whole new world. If loved ones don't like it - tough. Of course, as I get older, I don't care about the approval of others as much as I did. :)
Interesting question!
My DH doesn't totally get why I do what I do, but he'd never insult it as your ex did. What he has finally figured out (after my stitching almost constantly for the last 20 years) is that I have to do it. It's as necessary to me as breathing and he gets that.
If he didn't, I think it would bring one heck of a lot of conflict into our marriage. I'm not sure if we would get past it without a lot of work and compromise on both our parts.
Thankfully, I married a guy who is tolerant to a fault and who loves me - hobbies 'n all. :-)
Every now and then hubby makes the comments.... "When you are stitching the world around you does not exist!
The house would catch fire and you would never know it!"
All I can say is I see how I am when I am so depressed and unmotivated to stitch..... He sees it too..... but he never acknowledges how much better I am when I do stitch. (attitude and patience level)
I do not intend to stop stitching so it is deal with or go. I NEED MY SANITY STITCHING TIME!!!
I'd feel awful, it would be like they couldn't accept a big part of what makes me ME.
I'm not sure how I would react,I'm sure I would be very mad,hurt and upset.It's hard to say how we react until we're put in the situation. My husband has nothing but great things to say about my stitching and beading, so I consider myself very lucky.
Thankfully I don't have that problem since my wonderful DH supports my addiction 100% and is a big enabler. If I did get that kind of reaction I'm afraid I'm so stubbon that I would just spend more time and money stitching just for spite.
Good question cause my ex basically said the same thing...he said I was like the old ladies who hang out in the back of joann fabrics....etc. It didn't stop me....it was all I had to keep me sane....especially in the lonely times. It's in my blood! Luckily my new hubby loves what I do and encourages me sooooo much. I have to keep him out of the craft/stitch stores cause he keeps finding new projects for me...I LOVE IT!!! I think it brought out the creativity in me more!
It would depend on the significant other. My ex did not give me a hard time about it. In fact, he even tried it. My significant other now, is an enabler but he realizes what it does for me in the sense of keeping my brain active and stress relief etc. But I think if I was given a hard time about it, I would have to relate it to a hobby of theirs and see what they say then.
Ive had this happen to me.
Well if you have noticed, I have really cut back on my stitching, since I had the same kind of reaction.
A very close friend, loves sunflowers. Well I had seen a new design with sunflowers, so I asked if she would like it stitched up for her. She pretty much told me that "there wasnt much room on the walls for anymore"
I know darn well there is plenty of room on her walls. And for me that was like a slap in the face. I havent bought anything new in a long time. And really I have no desire to buy anything more related to cross stitching. And I have considered just selling it all.
And I think in the future I will be getting out the stitching groups, since I really have no desire anymore. I have posted to the groups with finshes, and pretty much not get much response. And I take it personal.
Yes Im still stitching, but I have gotten the push to do some stitching, from a dear friend.
~Kim~
I would be totally shocked and dismayed. My family appreciates my stitching, even if they don't always like a particular design. To me it is unthinkable for someone to say it is a waste of time.
My mom never tells me how nice it is and it's strange at how much I need her approval on that .... Chuy is very supportive. I cannot imagine a spouse who will critize a hobby his/her mate has. I won't stand that. Where will be love?
Sometimes I don't see a purpose myself as I don't know how to frame but I know it relaxes me a lot so I do need it to stay sane ;-)
I think I would be slightly hurt. I would remind them that if I keep busy with my needlework, I keep out of trouble and isn't that a good thing. I would probably end up mentioning their hobbies as well and ask him what he thought of his hobby and what if someone said something like that to him. In my case, BF or friend, whatever we are right now, I suspect, wouldn't dare say something like that since he does carpentry. Also he probably wouldn't want to hear me when he touches a bad nerve with me...lol.
I think your ex-husband sounds like he was a jerk to say that and it's good you aren't with him anymore.
Are you still seeing that nice guy we all like and hope he has a clone or brother?...lol.
I'm glad you got back into stitching and into the blog world too. Otherwise, how else would we have met? Glad we have met online. I look forward to your posts.
I think I would have to hit him over the head with a frying pan to knock some sense into him!!
On the serious side...This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship and I think I would have to get out of it. If he can't repect my hobby then he doesn't respect me.
I would be bothered, but I don't think it would keep me from doing it. I think spouses should support one another having a hobby. It's good for the mind and soul. We all need something like that. I agree. What a jerk. Hence, why you are not with him, nor me with my ex-husband.
My husband makes comments all the time about it and I just ignore him. He says I spend too much money on it but I tell him I don't spend as much as he does on cigarettes and then he shuts up for a while. I also tell him I have to have something to do when he is watching TV all the time especially during football games because I hate football. The online stitching world has also helped me tremendously with my stitching and encouraging me to keep on going!
*Good question! Actually, my ex-husband was just like that. I hardly stitched at all the 4 years we were married. In his opinion, the supplies (at the time all I bought were kits) was way too expensive and not worth the
money. He thought it was a waste of time and did not think it was worth it in the end. It used to upset me terribly. As soon as we separated, I was right back on that bandwagon! LOL
Blessings,
Bree
I would look at my work, think of why I am doing it...it brings me joy, I make gifts which bring others joy, it relaxes me and I accomplish my stitchery goals when finished...it is a good thing (sorry Martha Stewart for taking your quote). Then I would look to him and realize he is only saying it to attack me in a way he knows would hurt me. What does he do that brings him joy? Anything? Probably not. That explains why he is ripping at my joy! He is jealous of what I do because he himself doesn't understand how to "get" what I have just by stitching, wants it, can't get it, so attacks me and my craft instead. That's when you look up and say..."Sorry you feel that way but it brings me joy and that's what matters." And then continue to stitch with a smile as you see what you are making.
Don't let others take your joy!!! (That is my opinion on your question)
CC
Well, first of all my dh loves everything I make. IF he did what you said, I would have to say that I would question him about flying those remote control planes in circles, or hitting a golf ball around a golf course. At least with our hobby, we have something productive in the end to show for
our time!!!!!!!!
My artist friend used to say that she couldn't see the purpose of
xs.......that it looked like a waste of time. I informed her that it was just like her painting... you start with a 'blank' piece of fabric and create something beautiful... she finally came around to my way of thinking!
Hugs,
Sue
I think that my hubby would DEFINITELY be ex if he started complaining! My hubby normally is quite supportive of my stitching within reason!! However he does tend to be fairly negative of other areas of life and we can end up having blazing rows. The first thing I ever stitched was actually a Valentine's card for him so I have stitched pretty much since meeting him. He has his hobbies too which I think are a waste of space but I just smile sweetly when he buys something else for it and store it up in my "stash tally" for later on!!! And I have to agree with CC's comment about not letting others take your joy.
I'd like to think I would disregard him, but I know I value his opinion too much....so I'd more likely be depressed and quit stitching at all. Happily, my DH encourages my stitching, buys me kits for Chatelaine designs for my birthday & Christmas (he even had his dad buy me one, LOL), and pays enough attention that he knows what I'm stitching on and about how far along I am on it. If I show him my work, he'll even compliment me on it. :)
Karin in NV
I'ld either totally ignore him, point out his own wastes of time, or just tell him to buzz off depending on my mood at the moment.
Judith in OH
Meari, I know how you feel. For many, many years while I was married I wanted a new sewing machine because the one I had was handed down from my mother. My husbands comment was always that the tools he bought made the family money, (he was a carpenter) and mine were just for fun. He didn't realize that I made alot of clothes for myself and my kids with that sewing machine. I didn't really make the family money but I saved the family money. He never saw it that way but I did. When I got into cross stitching he made the same comment about my hobby and yet every family event we had, wedding, anniversary, birth, christmas, always had a handmade gift. He again didn't see that. I used to do projects for gifts so that he would see how beautiful they were but I never got any positive comments from him. I am glad he is out of my life.
Cyndi from WI
My DH is supportive in most ways of my cross-stitching. The only problem he has with it is the fact that I am a serial starter. I think he would be even more supportive if I would actually finish something once in a while. He will make comments about the money I spend with no results, but he lets me do it because it makes me happy. And above all else he is willing to keep me happy, especially because that is the kind of guy he is. Although I have to admit if he said something like that I would be devastated and probably give it up for a while.
I have had comments like that put to me before, and all I do is shrug my shoulders. Depending on the personality of the comment maker, I might add something like how ccs might seem like a waste to someone who doesn't do it, but it makes me relaxed. Everyone has something they do, whether they think about it or not, to take everyday stress away. And ccs is mine (as is reading, also). Some goes off and works on an old car, or builds something out of wood, or even sits in front of the tv drinking whatever their drink of choice is... It all does the same to them as the ccs does for me.
Tamara
It's not that my DH thinks it's a waste of time, but he has told me he just can't get excited about it and not to expect it out of him. It makes it so I no longer express my excitement to him when I'm working on something. Before he told me, I was always showing him what I was working on, telling him how excited I was to reach a milestone in a project (I tend to always have a BAP going somewhere). Now, I don't talk about it. He lives in California though, so it makes it easy to do. When he's home, I don't really work on my cross stitching either.
I stitched The Sailor's Prayer and pictures of the first two ships he was on for Christmas one year, and when he opened it, his reaction was, "Ohhhh... Thanks." Never mind that I took the time to do chart it out and stitch it and have it framed. Then again, he's never been one to get excited about anything handmade.
Katy
It would bother me, hurt me, if he tell some phrase like your ex say.
he dont feel the same "excitment" when i star a piece,o talk about the blogger world, i must to admit that he tried to understand,and remember some aspect of my hobby, like designers,etc, and always ask him about a color floss, he say me: " i am fear when you ask me about colors, i am awful in choice colors!".
I tried to do the same,when he talk to me about some special cd of classic music, he love the rare collection on classic music.
mmmm...my DH just says 'very good' when i finish anything!! i don't think he sees a point in me stitching but has never said anything negative about it either. He dosent have a problem with any money i spend on stitching or anything else for that matter.
As for other people making negative comments, it really wouldn't bother me, people should do whatever makes them feel happy.
Meari, excellent question and it tore some wounds open for me. My ex was anything but supportive about my stitching. Took me years to realize he wasn't very supportive about the rest of me either, but I was too much in love to see that at the time. But it hurt me back then and would hurt me now. Cross stitch is a part of me, criticizing it would be like criticism towards me. If my SO said I have a big nose or fat butt, it would feel the same. Those who love me should accept all of me, and cross stitch is definitely part of the package.
To all the other commenters, some of your stories were painfully familiar to me. If I had as many charts as often I heard "and when are you gonna finish that", I could open my own needlework shop.
my dh is very good about anything I make or collect but I am also do the same for him with his golf. As much as I hate listening how he played each hole I do listen because he does the same with my hobbies. I also do ceramics and he does all the mold pouring for me so I will listen to each hole of golf Sincerely Kathy B in Ohio
You really know how to open up a topic for discussion. My DH is very supportive of my stitching. I waited 44 years to get married. When we first married I was legally blind and couldn't stitch anymore. James had seen my work but didn't know how much I loved it. Through surgery I am able to see again. When I first realized I could see to stitch, I went into a frenzy. My DH was concerned, having never experienced this with me. He was afraid I was pushing him out of my world. Once he realized I could have both my love for stitching and my love for him, it was ok. Now he paints and I like to think my stitching opened him up to the arts and let him find his hobby.
I could never imagine my DH saying anything like that. I will admit that he doesn't always like the designs I may be stitching, but if it isn't for us than that shouldn't matter. When I stitch things for us he usually helps me pick out the patterns and colors and such. He knows that this keeps me sane! I don't gripe about his playing computer games and video games so I think we are even, lol!
Hmm...DH has known from day one that my stitching is a very large part of me, and knows that no matter what he says I'm going to ignore him. I'm not going to stop doing it regardless what he thinks. It's my sanity and sometimes the only good thing in my day. When I'm not stitching he knows something's wrong. The only time I really hear anything negative is when he thinks I've been stitching too much. I'm also not above tossing in his face that at least I'm doing my hobby instead of sulking because there's nothing to do and nothing to watch on TV yet he has his own hobby stuff he does nothing with.
My family on the other hand doesn't get it at all, which is really weird since I grew up in a very crafty family. I think it's the time factor that they can't understand and they don't comprehend how I can work for months or even years on one project until it gets done.
If I were enjoying the stitching time then it isn't a waste of time. It brings ME joy, it doesn't have to bring anyone else anything. Now if I were stitching instead of doing other things/duties, then that may be a problem.
I would be extremely upset if my DH made negative comments about my stitching or quilting or any other hobby I might take up. I consider myself extremely lucky to have a very supportive husband, who is always willing to go with me to any stitching or quilt store, frequently points out items to me (he is actually a great enabler!), and willingly carries any and all packages/tote bags of purchases. I am truly blessed.
I'd pack his things and change the locks.
I have been a homemaker for 18 years and then 2 years ago I got a job. My husband paid for ALL of my cross stitch stash so if he was to ever say anything I would be in shock. He does like to pick on me and tell me that if I sold everything that I have it would pay for a year of college lol.
I am lucky in that my DH supports my stitching 100% he loves it that I am CRAFTY and boasts about it to all his friends. He buys me stash for presents (without asking me if I want or need anything)In the past he has even gone to LNS in his lunchtime to get me floss that I have needed. He knows the value of my stitching and always tells me that whatever I am working on looks great :)
Meari - Now that is thought provoking and conjures all kinds of emotions. First it would be immature and insensitive and just plain mean to make fun of something that someone else loves! There was a time when my DH might have said something negative but that was when he was "nasty man". Thank goodness he is not "nasty man" anymore. I am very lucky he has no idea what I spend on my cross stitch or other crafts. Thankful he knows I enjoy it and I bet he is secretly happy I have something to occupy my time and not bother him. Even though he knows I enjoy my stitching, I doubt I could get him to go to a needlework shop.
LOL, I know this one so well - it is how my dh feels about my stitching. I've actually got a couple of my pictures on the wall, but an equal number in my wardrobe - ready framed and nowhere to go, as he doesn't really like them. He doesn't like me stitching in the evening - even though he's stuck behind the paper at the same time! Strange really; I tend to take no notice on the whole. It does hurt, as he spends far more on his books than I do on stash, but I won't give up now!
Viv
My dh supports everything I make as well. His theory is if it is something I enjoy..he is all for it! No time in our marriage has he even complained about the cost of supplies or me doing anything. In fact just today from Afghanistan he was asking when I was going to a new stich shop(Oct. 24) and when I am going to Branson(Nov. 5-8). He was worried that I am not taking enough time for me and my hobby while I am here alone with Matthew. It was nice to hear.
That being said, I would have a hard time with anyone in my life not understanding my need to stitch. IT is therapy and has gotten me through many tough times..like this year. I think it someone important did not accept it that would have to be a conversation we'd have to have. This is important to me and I am not going to quit for anyone.
Hugs,
Kim
Meari, my DH says that stuff to me but #1. I know most of the time he is joking and when he isn't.... #2. I tell him to ******** cause I have gotten tough through the years working with butthole drs and his hobby is alot more expensive and takes up alot more space than mine. He restores old cars and if I don't stay after him he tries to keep our yard looking like a junkyard. So I am probably worse than he is about telling him how expensive, time consuming and a waste of time his hobby is than he does to me.
I was real sensitive in my first marriage and he could just look at me wrong and I would cry but not the second time around. I have pretty tough skin this time around.
DebbieM
If I was going into a relationship and this was said by someone I would have extreme hesitation going into that relationship. When someone tells you what you love is a waste of time they are telling you that what you like doesn't matter. I would say that person is jealous and in a sense abusive. Belittling your feelings. Hope you understand what I'm trying to express!
hugs,
Teresa
Wow...so many comments! I'm lucky that my current BF is understanding about stitching. He gets a kick of watching me stitch and even puts in requests for his family. Stitching is a sanity saver for me. If a SO was not understanding about that, I wouldn't continue wasting my time with them. Stitching is that important to me and I wouldn't give it up unless I was no longer capable of doing it. Sorry to hear your ex was so hard on you about it but glad you are back to stitching and blogging.
I would think that maybe the relationship was a waste of time! I'm very lucky as DH supports my obsession even when his dinner is late because I just have to finish a particular section!
If Carl didn't appreciate or like my hobby, I think by now he would be smart enough to keep his mouth shut or lie through his teeth!! He knows how important it is. Like Fantasy Football to him....and I don't say a word about that to him either! :-)
I would be hurt but it wouldn't keep me from stitching. I would just not show him anything I was working on & I wouldn't stitch him anything either. I am fortunate that my DH supports my hobby although he doesn't get all excited about what I am working on. He sometimes asks me what I am working on & has actually made me frames for some of my stitching. He has no interest in learning about it though. And that's OK with me.
Betty in AZ (ILCS)
That would really hurt, as cross stitch is much more than "just a hobby" for me. It would be like being rejected for myself. Even my ex, who really is a jerk, didn't diss my cross stitching (even though he couldn't get the point of why I did it). However, I have been told by other close family members that cross stitch is a waste of time (my MIL, step-mother, and others). I've decided they're just ignorant and have tried to avoid them when it comes to free-time activities.
I would be hurt. But he knows better than to say that. He knows this is my art.
The first time I have read every comment on a post! I never realized how fortunate I am and have been where my stitching is concerned. My ex supported my stitching 100%. He even requested a few items! He loved all my finishes and also requested that I make gifts for his family. Before we married, I would stitch and he paid for the framing! He never said a work about money and even spent time in the cross stitch shops I went in during vacations.
My current bf is also supportive. He actually voiced concern about how little stitching I have been doing since we met. He set a light up at his house behind my "spot" on the couch so that I could see to stitch while we watch movies. The first gift he bought me was a cross stitch magazine! He said "I saw it at the store and since it said cross stitch in the title I figured I couldn't go wrong". He is a blessing in my life ;)
Thanks for making me think, Meari!
Well... my first husband didn't like it, he could keep his mouth shut and didn't even try to lie to be polite... he is a history, an ex from a long time ago. Freddy (my current DH) likes my hobbies, they even have a separate account in his budget. I guess I was smarter when choosing second time...
I recently was informed by my man that my hobby was for "old ladies". He was joking but it was a bit of insight into what he thought of it. He has never complained about me stitching, but he did know what he was getting into from the get go with stitching so maybe that made it easier?
I do have to budget the stitching stuff and it's a little easier maybe b/c we still keep separate entertainment budgets (even though all other bills are paid together and such).
I would be very hurt! If he said that to me he would see another side of me. Lucky that Rick & my son Doug support my hobbies they know it is easier to live with me when I have time to relax and have time to do something that I enjoy. I guess I am very blessed that Rick supports me 100%
Hi Meari,
I divorced my husband in 1973 and at that time I didn't stitch. My dear hubby (current & final) of 36 years never has said a thing except maybe something like, don't you have enough patterns? LOL! He is always good about my stitching habit. And, I try not to abuse his 'niceness'.
I also want to say W@W!!! W@W!!! W@W!!! about your washing machine. I think you're amazing!
Christine
It bothers me when (and still does) hubby comments on the waste of it all. Or when $ is tight and he is looking to sell stuff - my XS becomes a target. I have actually at times hide my stitching just so I don't have to hear it!
My DH has always took pride in my stitching, knitting and crochet works. My SIL has dismissed them as "useless and waste-of-time" and made me stop knitting for a while
till my DD very loudly complained she missed my sweaters and it was
not fair that for an a$$ she got deprived of them. So i went back knitting and SIL got no more handmade gifts, not even the orange liquor she loves so much
it too is waste-of-time in my book!!!
I made many samplers for my DH's auntie who loves each of them. When she passed away there was some words upon who was going to have the stitched sampler, my FIL was executor and state that all stitched items, all cross stitch stuff and stash was mine by right
as i was the only one to give them as gifts and was going to value them. Some muttering was spoken but he was firm, so now i have all my works back plus 2 samplers made from my MIL's grandmother before 1880.
Alba
I really couldn't say how I would feel since my husband is nothing but supportive and is always trying to get me to enter stuff in the fair. But on the other hand he knows that I could say the same thing about his golfing. If he did ever say anything negative I would probably be hurt but I doubt that I would stop stitching because that tends to be my sanity.
Debbie R
I just have to say after reading some of these... It was interesting to see how many people said, "My ex-husband was that way, but the new husband is actually pretty supportive." :)
Katy
This is one of the reasons I left my exH. He constantly belittled my hobbies which included crochet, gardening and some cross stitch. It was non-stop verbal abuse and a person can only take so much! I think he is one of those insecure types and if any of my hobbies took away from the attention he needed (and still is quite needy IMHO), the verbal onslaught would begin. Gawd help the next girl would doesn't devote 100% attention to *C*....what a baby!
It breaks my heart that this is a question. I am so lucky and fortunate to have my hubby. He goes right into stitching stores with me and helps me pick stuff out. He loves my hobby. He loves that I'm happy. I love his hobbies too. I just don't see how anyone could be so cruel not to support someone they love. So very sorry Meari that you had someone in your life like that.
Katie in IN
that would be really sad.no wonder you got a divorce...that would certainly be a reason!! glad you are back in it and thank god for the on line community too!
Christine
My former SO was extremely jealous of the time I spent stitching, especially when it would be for someone or a project related to this group. It was just one facet of an abusive relationship. My current SO does not get as excited about stitching and stashing as I do, but is able to appreciate the talent and time that it takes to make the art that we create. I am not made to feel guilty or belittled for doing for others, which makes me much happier.
Sandy in NM
Sad that you could not stitch for five years. Very sad. *Hugs*, Meari
My husband does not say anything negative, although in the back of my mind i always dread him saying anything. I will be extremely upset and i hope the day never comes. Whenever i show a finished work or even a WIP project or a recent ebay parcel, he acknowledges the same, sometimes says 'nice' in his way [i.e. barely opens his mouth - but this he does for anything:) ] He has never said i am being a spendthrift, so that is good i guess.
I now remember one of the first projects i did - he took it to the frames shop the moment i completed it. So i guess he likes and appreciates my hobby. Having said that there are now completed projects waiting for their Finishing Day. Does not bother me one bit, as it is the stitching that keeps me sane.
My father-in-law was hinting (sometime this year!! )i will probably stitch less once T starts going to school.
Hope the day never comes when my husband says negative about my stitching.
I have to qualify this and say my husband would never say that. But, hypothetically if he did, I would point out that I do cross stitch for my relaxation and enjoyment and his opinion does not change that. Also, because I know I do a very good job with my cross stitching, his negative comments would be totally untrue.
As a side note, anyone who would do that is mean and hurtful.
Nancy V
Wow - I read through every comment and some of them make me incredibly sad to see that there are spouses and SOs that can't or won't make just the slightest effort to be kind and supportive, even if they don't exactly understand the whole point of stitching. I am a huge believer in having something creative and artistic in your life - everyone needs that sort of outlet in some way, and I think it's shameful that someone would ridicule or belittle someone else's outlet.
I am incredibly fortunate that my DH is also a stitcher. (he finds it slightly embarassing, but I think he's secretly proud as well) So not only does he "get it" but he participates in and understands it. I love having a partner in my hobby, and I think it's been good for him to have this kind of outlet. Plus for a scientist, he's pretty darn creative on his own time (he also does stained glass and can draw and paint)
My ILs were HS sweethearts and have been married almost 46 years. They have always stressed to their sons the importance of having shared interests and doing things together as a couple, and this is something DH and I take pretty seriously. We have several shared interests, and I think in many ways big and small, those interests have carried us through some rough patches and kept us connected. I also think that the symbols of our shared interests, whether it be a lighthouse, a stithcing project or a Dallas Cowboys star, form a kind of short hand that reminds us both of our connection, and I wonder how much stronger some of these marriages and relationships around us could be if those couples could also find those little reinforcements of their connections.
Wow Meari! That is exactly what happened with my ex! I didn't stitch for 5 years! Then we got divorced and I'm back at it more that ever! It's like I'm trying to make up for lost time!
Pam K. :o)
It's funny the way that is sometimes. I stitched like crazy from my late teens up until the time I got married. I stopped for some reason after that. The break in the action was about 10 years.
My D-day was 10 years ago in August. I started stitching again shortly thereafter, with a vengeance! I guess I was making up for lost time...LOL!
My sweetie comments from time to time about how much stitchy stuff I have coming to the house, or "that's an awful lot of work!" But I remind him that it's not much different than his tool obsession (and it takes up less room!!) He's quite okay with me going to stitching events alone (I always invite him) and I'm quite okay with him going on ski trips without me. The bottom line is that we're doing things that make us happy. That only makes us happier people during the time that we spend together. In the past, I never would have dreamed about venturing off to a stitching event, but don't have a problem with it now. I am older and wiser, I wouldn't have it any other way!!
I can relate & sorta explain their mean thoughts. When my DH and I went through "his" midlife crisis he was critical about everything I did or didn't do. I was sooo into making primitive dolls and painted prim pillows, which I sold very well on eBay and wholesale, and did some stitching. I stopped all of it. My pastor told me that when a man is criticizing or degrading all that you do, he is comparing you to someone else...the $%#^^& on the side so to speak. When I found myself having a hard time doing the things I enjoy, I was diagnosed as depressed, because of him. At the time, I was into pleasing everyone around me & forgot who I was. Now, I AM that strong minded woman he first met. I focus on what makes ME happy. I am more into stitching now than I ever was and he actually gives me positive comments on my work and extra stitching $$ to spend!! If he ever starts that crap again, I know I will tell him where to go & continue doing things for me!
I would be hurt. He could only say it once. After that it would just be mean. I don't deal well with mean.
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