Jan 27, 2006

UFO's, PMS, and S.E.X.



UFO's, PMS, and S.E.X. -- I bet that caught your attention, didn't it? For those in the know, it's no big deal. LOL, and it's not what you think! Cross stitchers are a breed all their own and even have their own language! You may even think we talk 'funny'... Here's a bit of what I'm talkin' about:

UFO's aren't the flying saucers you were told about as a child. Oh, noooo... a UFO in Stitchers Speak is actually an UnFinished Object. Oh yes... all those projects we started and got frustrated with, sick of looking at, or just plain didn't like it that much after all... the ones we have hidden in boxes, drawers and closets... yes, those are UFO's!

PMS isn't that 'monthly thing' men blame our attitudes on. No sirree! When I get the attitude, it's because I'm just Protecting My Stash or Protecting My Stitching. Don't mess with a stitcher's stash or projects -- unless you have a desire to feel the wrath!

And oh that naughty word S.E.X. It brings so much joy to a stitcher! She (or sometimes he... Yes, there are many talented male stitchers) gets so excited over the Stash Enhancement eXperience that she can't wait to share it with her fellow stitchers. She gushes on and on about how it happened, where it happened, and what she got! She can barely contain her excitement. It doesn't matter if she's in a SABLE (Stash Beyond Life Expectancy) situation, or not. When the S.E.X. is good, it's great!

If the S.E.X. is really good, we'd better have an XSTH otherwise we could be in some big trouble! Those who are blessed with a Cross Stitch Tolerant Husband are lucky indeed. He takes pride in our talents and encourages our artistic creativity.

He just smiles when we thumb through our charts... our magazines... our freebies and decide what project to do next. Then we check our stash. Fabric -- check. Beads -- check. Charms -- check. Floss -- chh.. Wait a minute, missing DMC 3721, 721, 210! Off to the LNS (See ya later, honey. I'll be back soon! Kiss. Kiss.) As we pull into the parking lot of the Local Needlework Shop, our intention is to run in and get the floss we need. BUT! The S.E.X. happens all over again. Just have to have that chart... and oh! That evenweave is so pretty! Floss is on sale?! No kidding. Load me up!

When we get home again, we are faced with the WIPs. No, I don't mean the contraption used to beat animals into submission. We all have them. We're all proud to show them off. Some of us have so many Works In Progress you would wonder "How is she ever going to get those done?"

She gets them done by working on them in rotation. "This one on Monday, This one on Tuesday, This one on Wednesday" so on and so forth. She also gets them done by avoiding the Frog. We all despise the sound it makes "Rip-It, Rip-It, Rip-It" then he gives a little laugh taking pleasure in the fact that we made a mistake and had to rip it out. Bad Frog!

What do we say when we've finally finished a project? We proudly say "I have a finish!" and we rush off to take a picture of it so we can show it off to our internet cross stitching friends... because we know of no one in our immediate vicinity who cross stitches or would appreciate it as much as our 'net friends!

16 comments:

Mare said...

Very Entertaining Meari!

Marexstitch

Azzie Atkinson said...

So funny! Laughed my head off. Craig's wondering what on earth is so funny - he's not very x-stitch tolerant at the mo. lol!!! Azzie xx

Old Yankee Stitcher said...

LOL Meari, my DD and I cracked up reading this together while she is helping me to cover up the sparkly blending filiment look from my hair. There should be an abbreviation for that.
CJ

Anonymous said...

Love it Meari - sounds like my life! Viv in the UK xxx

valda said...

This is soooo funny.......and so true!!! LOLOLOL

Anonymous said...

Great, Meari! So true!
Judith in Ohio

purplestitcher said...

That is oh so true. I really believe there is a connection. I have buying out the wazoo and eating like crazy and being b****y. Not many men understand the need to feed our habit.

Anonymous said...

Meari,
Great!!! I loved it.
Debra

Bren said...

That was great! Really, really great! I have been having a terrible morning. The kids have been screaming for no reason and everything seemed to be going wrong. So I load up the kids and take off to Walmart to buy a new magnet board and any thing that catches my eye. I come home still feeling crummy cuz I didn't find anything that just spoke to me. I check my mail and there is just the lift I needed. Now I feel all is righted and my day will be so much better all because of reading your blog!

Anonymous said...

love it! Beginning to sound a lot like me I have WIP's all over my livingroom sofa my hubby just shakes his head and takes me out for more stash. Trecie

Ruth M. said...

Too funny!

Excellent writing BTW =)

Ruth

Anonymous said...

Fabulous... It feels like de javu... my husband too just nods his head and ignores my WIPs. he is only interested in the completed projects ;-)

MarchAnn58 said...

I LOVE IT. Thank you this is just great. I live alone now but I can remember the looks when I brought home a LNS bag.

Anonymous said...

this is so funny and right on. I am lucky enough to have a husband that loves everything I make. Be it knitting, crochet, cross stitch. And if I need something to make it with he tells me to get what I need. And evern after 42 years of marriage he is still me biggest fan.

Cait said...

Thank you so much for putting it in prose rather than just a listing of definitions.
It was very entertaining to read.

Jim and Julie Foster said...

What is "couching"?