1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called ......... 'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
3. The difference between the Pope and your boss: The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning, One brilliant flash and it is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.
10. A blonde said, 'I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid.'
11. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment...for enjoying sex.
As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.
... and the heat index is 106!
1) Brush twice a day.
2) Dress according to the weather.
3) Visit the dentist regularly.
4) Get plenty of rest.
5) Make sure your hair is dry before going outside.
6) Eat right.
7) Get some sun once in a while.
8) Always wear a seatbelt.
9) Limit alcohol consumption.
10) Smile! It'll make you feel better.
11) Don't overindulge yourself.
12) Bathe regularly.
12) Read to exercise the brain.
14) Surround yourself with friends.
15) Stay away from too much caffeine.
16) Use the bathroom regularly.
17) Get plenty of exercise.
18) Have your eyes checked.
19) Eat plenty of vegetables.
20) Believe people will like you for who you are.
21) Forgive and forget.
22) Take lots of vacations.
23) Celebrate all special occasions.
24) Pick up a hobby.
25) Love your neighbor as yourself.
