Jul 23, 2008

Seriously... Do I Seem...

DESPERATE?!! What is it about some men that they just can't take "no" for an answer?

Ex-BF #1
This is all via text message...

S: I will be in town on the 29th. Would u join me 4 chinese?

Me: (looking at the phone in disbelief)

Me: Y do u want 2 go out 2 dinner w me?

S: Cuz I'm hungry & i like your company.

Me: (all sorts of mean responses running through my head)

Me: U didn't like my company 9mo ago. Like u said... I deserve better

S: (totally ignoring the "I deserve better" comment) I was very angry

S: If u r uncomfortable i understand & i can go alone...

Me: Not uncomfortable or angry. in disbelief that u would think i'd consider it. i'm not that desperate

S: Never said u were desperate

Me: (outside watering my plants and not responding)

S: So its a pride thing. gotcha. i have pride also yet im still asking u out. think about it.

Me: Not a pride thing... Just not willing 2 deal w next time u get "very angry"

S: Look. I'm gonna eat a mess of shrimp on the 29th. i just thought youd like 2 join me for the binge.

Me: Thx 4 askin & u enjoy your shrimp (I meant that to be sarcastic, guess it didn't work)

S: Just food. Food. Food! Me want shrimpies. I will ask again. Later.

LOL, am I the only one who thinks that whole conversation was unbelievable?! Why is it that I have to resort to being down right rude and insulting in order for men to get the hint? Does he think 9 months erased my memory? Did 9 months erase his?

Ex-BF #2
Actually B should be #1 because he came first, but I'm discussing him second so #2 he'll be. B & I dated over 4 years ago, only for about a year. Come to find out he lied about some very key issues in his life, which caused the collapse of a 3 year friendship (prior to dating) and the one year BF/GF relationship. Because it got so bad toward the end, for my own sanity I had to cut all communication with him. Yet, to this day... He STILL calls and leaves voicemail messages every couple of months. Why after 4 years of NOT talking to him, would he think I'd pick up the phone and talk? I can still tell how agitated he is when he calls and says "I was hoping you'd pick up the phone. I just want to talk." Other times, his voice sounds like the person I fell for. But after 4 years, wouldn't you think he'd get the hint??

And Then...
There's J, who last winter sprinkled my driveway with salt, has taken me out to dinner and has been polite, found me the snowblower, fixed said snowblower, changed the plugs in my car and fixed my lawnmower numerous times. He also drives by my house on his way to/from work (which doesn't need to happen), told my mother at my brother's wedding that we were "dating" (which gives the connotation we're BF/GF). I have to watch what I say because it seems he tells my brother things I'd rather him not know.

Last night, in the middle of conversation he says: "So are you still on the not wanting to get involved kick?" Totally caught me off guard and I said "Yes and No" (lol). After I said that, he changed the subject right away. I have my reasons as to why I don't want to get involved with anyone right now. I would love to be in a good relationship, but tired of doing all the "work" only to feel disrespected and taken advantage of. If that makes sense.

Today via text message... What's with these guys and all the text messaging about serious stuff?... J texts me about not answering that question. So I told him the above. I again was caught off guard when he texted me about how I'd have to trust someone sooner or later. (Like I don't know that?)

The way I see it is this: At least I'm aware of my feelings and I'm being upfront about dating and getting seriously involved. I'm not hiding the fact that I don't want a serious relationship. It's not that I don't like him... So far, he seems like a very nice guy, follows through when he says he'll do something (reliability is good!), polite and thoughtful. Going out once in a while is one thing, getting serious is a whole other ballgame.

'Nuf said! I'll get off my soapbox now before I fall off and hurt myself. LOL


Kendra said...

Wow. If I'm remembering S correctly - and I believe I am - he's got some nerve to ask you out like that and then talk to/text you like that. You were wise to decline.


Deirdre said...

I think you did the wise thing. I wouldn't have gone out with him for shrimp either after all that drama he put you through.

Carolyn said...

Sounds like you handled each one right. I gotta say, why are the serious conversations in text and not talk? Methinks they're scared and can handle rejection better in text

Carolyn said...

Sounds like you did the right thing. I gotta say - why do they text the serious things instead of talk? Methinks they're scared of being rejected, so it's easier to text!

Creative Chaos said...

hmmmm, I allways wonder why most man behave like 4 years old kids, when u give them not the answer they want to hear :-)
Patti xx

Coral said...

Shrimp - gah!! Aren't you now allergic to shrimp ;-)))?

J sounds like a find, why not risk it? Life is a risk after all. If you don't take the plunge he may not be around when you are 'ready'.

Good luck, which ever way you go.

~V said...

I think you have your feet (and your head) planted quite firmly on that soap box and I see no inkling of you falling off. You are very very wise!

Lisa said...

Meari, I'm the last one to give advice about dating, I never dated, got married young to DH, and he is 1/million...but...in terms of relationships...there are way too many people out there in life to stay muddled up texting these losers...I wouldn't even answer. They'll get the hint eventually. So, yea, I *do* think the conversations were unbelieveable. Anyone in life who doesn't treat me the way I want to be treated, I don't bother with them at all. :-)

Jennifer said...

Good for you! I wouldn't have gone out with him either. Someday you'll find the right one and it won't involve all this drama!

Jenna said...

Seriously, no, you aren't desperate, nor do you sound in the least bit like you are. I know for a fact that you are not. Why these guys keep bugging you is totally incomprehensible, honestly. I like that J is still sticking with you, even if he doesn't seem to understand why you don't want a serious relationship. I won't pretend to know what to tell you to do in that circumstance, but you have to be comfortable with yourself and your decisions and it sounds like you are. *hug*

Nancy said...

You are doing the right thing. Don't let S back into your life. If you aren't really looking then take your time. I know the texting is weird. Although I have found it's not just men. My daughter sometimes text me things she probably wouldn't say in person. AND my husband has done that on occasion and I ask him why he hadn't told me that in person (something was really stressing him out)& he didn't know why, but was glad that he finally text me about it. Go figure, we've been married 27 years......we will never figure them out.

Sherry said...

Meari, I was gone for a little while and came back to find out you had been sick. I'm so glad you are o.k. I wanted to let you know that thanks to your encouragement I started my blog back. Do you remember encouraging me? It's been awhile. That's actually where I've been. Anyway I thought you might want to check it out.

sales said...

I wouldn't have gone to dinner either. Boy am I glad that I am happily married and I don't have to deal with it any more!

Bliss said...

Nothing's interesting to those who aren't interested. Obviously, you are not interested enough in any of these guys to want to respond positively. Next time, just text 'no thanx' to No1 (don't go into any reasons behind your response), continually to totally ignore No2 but gently tell J you are not interested in those words the next time he makes an overture. He sounds a nice guy & he likes you. Don't keep him dangling just in case you change your mind. It's then up to them whether they ring & leave phn messages that never get responses.

I look forward to your Monday musings!