May 6, 2009

Why, Why, Why?

If you think I'm comical, you don't know my sister! We don't see each other very often, but we do have email exchanges on a regular basis. Last week, I sent her this list of questions that someone forwarded to me as a joke.

After reading it, we had this exchange:

Sis: "I could probably give you an answer to every single one of these questions. Would you like me to???"

Me: "Haha.... yes, please."

Her answers follow the questions...


Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?

Because we are trying to force that last little bit of juice out of those 1/2 dead batteries

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money?

To force you into bankruptcy so they can get more money from the government

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?

Because we can't reach the stars to touch them (that tactical response we all do)

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

He hasn't reached puberty yet, that's also why he wears such a small loin cloth! woo hoo

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Because he knows that a thrown gun will not kill him so really he deserves 'two for flinchin'

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Just in case they bump their head while entering the cockpit of the plane

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

Schools so they can earn more $$ from the government for special ed and NCLB act

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Because ALL men haven't evolved yet....God's workin on that one

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Because water is not actually conforms itself to the actual color of the bubble bath to make it appear white

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

NO! (She should know, she works for a company that sells mattresses, LOL)

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

It's really not to check to see if anything new has materialized to eat, its still about the age old question....."does the light go out when I close the door?"

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Because sometimes the string is like wrapped around the fibers in the carpet or too close to the wall and we figure if we move it to the middle of the vacuum, maybe it will get sucked up!

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

Well ya know, since big brother is always watching......they laugh their ass off everytime they watch 'you' trying to get that damn trash bag open before flipping it over and trying to open the other end, and then realizing the first end you tried was the right side to open up!!!

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

They are like rats, if they can fit their head in the hole, they squeeeze their entire body in their to begin their final journey to the bug underground.

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'

Well we could say that however, it might be someone like our mother that would probably start crying if we yelled at them so we just say "that's ok"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

Because we try to grab the side of the table to keep ourself from falling off the chair and looking stupid so we just let something else fall on the floor.

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

Because we are never happy with anything in life including what the temperature is inside or out.

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

Because you are liable to get your ass kicked if you tell a father in law joke!

And my FAVORITE.......The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

In my world, 4 out of 4 people are insane so what's that tell ya?


Mary Ivancicts said...

I love it...she is funny!

Rachel S said...

THAT IS HYSTERICAL. Especially the shopping cart one.

Mel said...

Those are great!
I needed that break today for a bit of humour. Thanks for posting them.

Rachel said...

Very funny! My fave is Superman getting 2 for flinchin

Carolyn NC said...

Too cute!

Kristin said...


Shelleen said...

LOL your sisters answers were perfect

Srinity said...


Linda in MA said...

Great answers!

Lori said...

Great Answers and what fun the two of you must have!

Debra said...

I read a few, too funny. The red is hard to read.