Aug 20, 2007


It has recently come to my attention that a former member of a group I moderate is carrying on a vendetta and distorting my involvement. In this post, my intention is to clear up my position.

What happened? Over a year ago, the owner of this group inadvertently sent an email to the group that was meant for the moderators. In this email, the owner expressed her upset over this member alledgedly gathering email addresses from the group’s member database and sending invitations to them for her group. The owner was mortified by her error of sending this email to the group. The member was upset by the email going to the group. At that time, I tried to keep the conflict on the group to a minimum. In doing so, they believe the group owner put me up to it, when in fact I was just trying to keep the damage from being worse than it was. The member unsubbed, and has been carrying around negativity about it a year later.

This member (Brandi) and several of her online “friends” use every chance and every avenue they get to instigate confrontation. The group owner has taken the stance to ignore them. Recently, this member sent an email addressed to the group owner and mods. Until this email arrived, I hadn’t given the incident a thought. After all, it happened a YEAR ago!

She is also peeved because she wanted to be in an exchange but didn’t want to have an international partner. Since the group is international, everyone is expected to mail internationally or not participate. After being told this by the coordinator, she was offended. I have seen the email from the moderator to Brandi and in no way was it rude or offensive.

Since I am a moderator, I took it upon myself to address some of the comments made in the recent email. Keep in mind the email was address to Owner & Mods. Repeatedly, I asked Brandi whether she really wanted to resolve the conflict or if she just wanted to feel vindicated. You know the type... The ones who want to stand at the top of the hill and puff out their chest shouting “I’m the winner!!” with a big grin on their face. That was the impression I got from the emails. I have read her comments regarding the emails we passed back and forth. She has stated she “told me off” when in reality she did no such thing. I have all of the emails. She admits in her email that I was trying to take the higher ground. Isn’t that what conflict resolution is all about? And if I’m taking the higher ground, does that mean she’s taking the lower ground? Hmmm... Something to think about.

I recently came across a post on Vickie Ridge’s blog where she refers to me as “Kelly’s Bitch” (excuse the profanity). She is one of the online “friends” I mentioned above. I have no dealings whatsoever with Vickie other than reading her comments on a group for owners and moderators. Yet, she is jumping on the bandwagon and calling me a bitch? She doesn’t even know me.

All of these people seem to think that Kelly has put me out front to deal with these people. In reality, Kelly had no idea that I attempted to resolve this year-long vendetta/conflict. It’s sad that people choose to play the victim and carry around the anger and negativity that they do. Personally, I think they are being ridiculous and acting like high school girls.

In Brandi’s last email to me where she asked: “Do you honestly believe that the way you treat the members of ILCS is fair and equal to how you treat yourselves (mods and owner)?” In her attempt to dismiss me, she made it clear in that email she wasn’t “wasting anymore time” on me. So I didn’t answer the question. In not answering, she used the lack of response to add fuel to the fire on Vickie’s blog. I responded to her question there, but I’m sure it will be deleted because they really don’t want to resolve the issue or deal with it in an adult manner. For goodness sake, who carries around something like that for a year??

I also would like to add that I posted a chart on the group and Brandi asked for it. It wasn’t anything great and I told her so. She said she didn’t care, so I sent it to her. So if I, in my role as mod, am such a bad person, why would I do that? If I don’t treat members equally, why would I send it to her?

Their problem with me lies in the fact that I took it upon myself to respond to an email that was addressed to Owners and MODS. In a recent post Brandi tells me: “Crawl back under your stone unless you have something more to say.”

LOL... Very adult, Brandi.


Kendra said...

I remember her...I remember the fit she pitched about the international exchange deal, too. She disappeared after that and I didn't give it a thought...out of sight, out of mind. Wow, can't believe she's still causing problems a year later! Really, in the grand scheme of life, is something like this REALLY that big of a deal to warrant a year-long deal? Brother!

So sorry you're having to deal with this. Honestly, some people are happiest when they're in the midst of a conflict, either real or perceived. And some people appear to never have left high school behind!

The fact that you're taking the high road and not sinking to her level probably is fueling her snit-fit. :-)

glenda said...

Unreal! I don't care what the disagreement is about, anyone who acts as childish as she is deserves to be ignored. You are completely accurate in calling it high school behavior.
I just wonder where she finds the time to make such insignificant issues into life affecting events?
I wish i had that kind of time on my hands! LOL

hang in there, Meari - the people that matter know the truth. Let the others fall off the radar...

Iris said...

Sorry to hear she carries a grudge for over a year ....not even children do that.
Owning or moderating a group isn't easy, if that would hapen on mine, and it would escalate so much, I would kick her out ! We're all together to be friends, and to have fun, not to argue .....

Hang in there Meari !!

Marita said...

The internet can be a nasty place sometimes. There is always the risk with the written word being misinterpretted because there are none of our usual body language communications to go with it.

This person sounds very childish and nasty. I do hope they can let go of their grudge and not ruin your enjoyment of online communities.

Velda said...

Being an owner/moderator for many years all I can say is it takes all kind! ((hugs)) Ignoring her is the best policy, even if you *are* a mod!

Anonymous said...

I remember this incident on ILCS.

IMO you have been adult about the entire thing. Hard to do but ignoring her seems to be the best policy.

Hang in there girl friend.


Anonymous said...

Amazing that how the small minded can dwell on the trival so long. These people need to get a life! I guess mole hills are mountains if you keep low to the ground and surround yourself with rodents and bottom feeders.

Too bad all the negative engery can't be directed to something more fruitful, their loss not yours. Meari, do not let this stuff get to you. They are not worth it and your track record speaks for itself.


Lisa said...

How old is this girl, no more then 14 because that’s how old she is acting, this person needs a life, because is seems she does not have one, to be carrying something like that around for a year. You know what they say what goes around will finally come to bite you on the bum/butt.

Anonymous said...

Oh Meari, I feel for you. I remeber all that crazy stuff with her last year. Mind you, Kelly can be very straight forward, but all of you do a great job with this group. This girl is just a whacko that needs to be ignored. Although, it was pretty exciting reading all traffic last year, I must admit.


Kim said...

So sorry to hear about this situation. Didnt know this happened on ILCS, must have missed something.


Kim said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Unknown said...

Gosh, I didn't know I would be happy for unsubbing ILCS but these people can be found in any community, on- or offline.

Meari, mods and members should NOT be treated equally, because ordinary members do not take responsibility for what's being said in the group. Nor do they spend their prescious time and energy trying to make the group work. They don't have to answer to anyone if they don't take any action when there's a problem. Moderators, however, have responsibilities and therefore should have prerogatives too. Tell Brandi I said so. :)

Greg said...

Geesh the drama from her. Next time ask her if she wants some cheese with that whine..... It's best to ignore someone like this Meari, your a far better person and don't need this in your life. Ignore and go on with your life. Your a GREAT MOD!! YAY!!

Janice said...

My Goodness! Meari, you are an awesome person! I love your attitude and personality. It is hard to ignore people when they keep snapping at your back but these people do not deserve to be recognized in any way. Hang in there!
As far as stitcher friends are concerened...Cyber Hugs to you for all you to make others' lives more meaningful!

Anonymous said...

I remember when this all happened.. an international group is exactly that and when exchanges come up that I am interested in then I pay the price I may get someone over seas, but so far have not. It is so very sad that a year later you are still dealing with this garbage, she needs to grow up. You are doing the right thing in the way you are handling this situation WTG Meari!!!
Patty (A proud member of ILCS)

Anonymous said...

Wow Meari. I had no idea. This all happened before I joined ILCS. I don't think there's anything else I can add to everyone else's comments, except that I agree with them all. It sounds to me like you've done the right thing. You run with the dogs, you get fleas. Guess she's trying to give hers to you. I think you are great and I look forward to one day meeting you in person, I hope!!
Pam :o)